Sugar Cookies

At my grade school, room mothers were assigned at the beginning of each year. A room mother was just the mom of one of the kids in the class. Generally, they were in charge of class parties. The unwary were tricked into driving their car with two or three children as passengers for the infrequent outings. 

When I was in the first grade my mom was initiated into that secret society when the other mom's managed to get all the ornery boys in her car. She still talks about having Ricky McKensie, the PK, preacher's kid, in her car.  I don't remember what he did to give her nightmares, but I clearly recall him slapping me once when I beat him at checkers during recess. It must have been bad weather that day because we usually played outside during recess. 

When my brother was in the third grade, mom and her best friend Valerie, were assigned the Valentine's Day party for his classroom of 3rd and 4th graders. That meant they had to bring the refreshments and think of a quiet game for the kids to play.  Actually, Valentine's and Christmas was sort of a free ride in the entertainment department because much of the party was spent exchanging Valentine's cards or modest gifts, respectively. 

A couple of days before the party we went to Valerie's house and played with her kids while she and my mom made sugar cookies. They made a huge batch of dough so there would be enough cookies for all the kids. However, they weren't satisfied with the way the dough turned out.

I don't know what was wrong with it. It was too dry and wouldn't roll out, or it was too sticky and they couldn't get it off the counter. From helping Mom cook as a ten-year-old, I sorta, kinda knew about stuff like that. I couldn't see anything wrong with it, but they threw it out. Being thrifty wives, they didn't just toss it in the garbage. They gave it to us kids to eat. Since there are hardly any ingredients in sugar cookies besides butter, sugar and flour it was safe to eat raw.

We got four spoons and proceeded to chow down on the dough while the moms made another party-sized batch. The four of us kids couldn't possibly have eaten all that dough, but I remember consuming more than my fair share.

The incident gave me a lifelong aversion to sugar cookies.

Bachelorette Party

Not quite G-rated.

I've only been to one bachelorette party. It was a little disappointing. There weren't any Chippendale type guys with 6-pack abs dancing in bikini briefs. It was a tame party. Just a bunch of women drinking a little too much and trying to embarrass my niece Jessica, the bride to be.

Earlier in the day, I was invited to go with them to Spencer's to purchase gifts for the party, but I had already committed to a sight-seeing tour of the Smoky Mountains. I sent some money with a friend from the other side of the family and asked her to get edible underwear from me. Just in case you've never heard of edible panties, they are made out of multi-colored candy that look like Sweet Tarts and strung on elastic thread and then fashioned into a string bikini. 

I actually had a lovely gift for the bride, but hey, a person has to embrace the spirit of the party. That evening we gathered in one of the hotel rooms, and the fun began.  My mother probably wasn't having a good time at all. She appeared to be the only teetotaller present. She didn't 'party hearty.'

The bride, my brother's step-daughter, received a lot of sexy lingerie and finally opened the gift from me. We had put Mom's name on it as well. When Jessica realized the edible panties were from her step-father's sister and his MOTHER she thought it was just WRONG!

So I gave her the gift that had been planned for months.

"Here Darlin', this is your real present."

She had requested that I make her a quilt and it must have a lot of orange in honor of her alma mater, the University of Tennessee Volunteers. She allowed me a lot of leeway with the pattern, and I chose a speed piecing design. My mom paid for the fabric, and a professional quilted it.