UHT OH, ADWIAN

In Alas, Babylon by Pat Frank, the title is a secret signal between a high ranking Air Force officer at Strategic Air Command in Nebraska, and his brother back home in Florida. It is a bone-chilling warning that nuclear war is impending. When I was growing up, our family had its own code for disaster. Thankfully, we never had to use it because of mushroom clouds on the horizon. 

My brother was a Boy Scout. He participated in all the mysterious activities Boy Scouts do while sisters stay at home. Cool stuff like wearing a uniform to meetings, camping out, practicing interesting skills, learning to cook over a campfire. It sounded like fun. He came home from one such adventure very excited about a skit two other campers had performed for the entertainment of the troop.

I should stop right here and say this skit may have been published exclusively for Scouts in a pamphlet suitable for the age group. Never having been initiated into the arcane world of scouting, I don't know that for certain. Without concrete proof I will give the credit to that prolific writer, ANONYMOUS.

Despite the fact the original skit required two performers, my brother decided he could act both parts (three parts, if you counted the off-stage sound effects). He persuaded Mom and Dad to rearrange the dining room into a suitable theater. They good-naturedly pushed the table off to the side and set three straight chairs in a row for the audience, them and me.

He began the skit by introducing the characters, Bobby and a goat named Adrian.  Bobby couldn't pronounce his R's very well, so Adrian sounded like Adwian.  Bobby was leading Adwian on a leash down a railroad track.  Track sounded more like twack. You will need to use your imagination to picture my brother acting out both parts.

In no particular hurry, they walked along talking about things young boys and goats talk about. Unfortunately, Adwian got his little hoof stuck between two railroad ties.  Imagine my little brother bent over walking on his hands, pretending to be the goat Adrian, with his left hand caught in the imaginary ties, then Bobby pantomiming tugging on the leash, trying to get him unstuck. Adwian is a little upset and lets out a couple of half-hearted bleats.  "Naa, naaa."
"Don't wowwy, Adwian," Bobby says. "I'll get you out."

My brother jumped up and ran around the corner into the kitchen where he made the sound of a far-off train whistle.  wooo  wooo

Back to the dining room (stage).

Bobby:  Adwian, the twain is coming.

Adrian:  Struggles to loosen his hoof.  Naa! Baa!

Bobby:  Pulls on Adrian's leg and tries to get him loose.

Back to the kitchen.   Whoooo Whoooo

Back to the stage. 

Adrian:  Fights harder to pull his hoof free but it is still caught. He kicks with his hind legs to increase the leverage. NAAA!  WAA!
Bobby:  Realizing the goat can't get free, he claps his hands to his cheeks and says:  "Uht oh, Adwian."
He said it with a rising inflection on the Uht and dropped his voice on the oh.

Back to the kitchen.  WHOOOOO  WHOOOOO   Chuga-chuga Chuga-chuga   WHOOOO  WHOOOO

Back to the stage.

Bobby stares back in horror at the rapidly approaching train.

By now the "audience" is contributing to the train sound effects, pretending we can see it chugging through the kitchen, and shouting encouragement to Adrian.

Adwian twists his head back as far as it will go, considering his hoof/hand is caught in the railroad ties. He leaps into the air with his hind legs while Bobby pulls with all his strength.

BAA  WAA  BWAA

"PULL ADWAIN, PULL!"

WHOOOO, WHOOOO, WHOOOO

At the last second, Bobby jumps to safety while Adrian goes SPLAT!

The train rumbles past, right between my chair and the one my Mom is sitting in.

Bobby stands beside the railroad track and surveys the carnage.
 

My little brother almost managed to produce real tears as he wailed,  "OH, ADWIAN!"

I was mad.  A funny skit for kids should have a happy ending. While Mom and Dad applauded, I strode two steps to where the imaginary Adwian lay dead, gave him a good kick and hollered for him to get up.  I guess the moral of the story was to stay off railroad tracks.

For the rest of our childhood and decades on into adulthood, whenever the situation looked dire, (cattle out, flat tire, forgotten homework, something on the stove boiled over, a sock with a hole in the toe, even if it was only because our move got blocked in a board game) someone in our family would say, "Uht oh, Adwian."

My widowed grandmother re-married. One day at a family gathering, her husband burst out, "Who the heck is Adrian?" My brother and I fell all over each other laughing, then had to apologize because he thought we were laughing at him.

Here is the link to a variety of age-appropriate skits in case you weren't lucky enough to belong to the Scouts.
http://www.boyscouttrail.com/skits.asp